Pro vs. Against Abortions? Not a Good Enough Question

As you know, over the past month, legislation processes against women’s right to have an abortion are taking place in Alabama, Missouri, Georgia, and Louisiana, amongst other states in the US. This has provoked waves of angry voices all over the globe about the importance of access to abortions and our right as women to choose to terminate a pregnancy. It even sparked a heavier focus on contraception and sexual health awareness. As a result, pro-abortion posts are swamping my Instagram feed, mostly created by brands, young women and girls, and feminist-identifying men.

I am pro-choice, no question about it. As someone who has recently had an abortion myself, and for a gazillion other completely unrelated reasons, I think that it is imperative that all women everywhere can access a safe, clinical abortion without any hassle whatsoever or any social consequences. I think that these new (old) laws are violent and oppressive. I also believe that the Israeli health system, which albeit provides abortions, still has a lot to learn. We should not subject pregnant women to an abortion committee and have to prove she is “eligible” for an abortion where she her to explain the circumstances of her pregnancy.

However, my point here is not about being pro-choice. It’s actually about my concerns about the direction in which the liberal discourse is taking. With all the simplistic “pro-abortion” slogans flooding social media, some of us may forget that abortion is also an uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and even traumatic experience for the woman undergoing it. I’m mostly thinking about the young girls, who perhaps are not sexually active yet, and men, who will never have to have one themselves. I say this because before my abortion, I, too, thought that all there as to an abortion was swallowing a pill and having cramps for a few days. That’s what I learned from TV, that’s what I heard from friends who heard from friends.

What I would like is for us to expand the discussion beyond a debate of pro vs. against abortion. We need to look at an unwanted pregnancy as the result of both sides, requiring both partners to take measures to prevent it from happening. It sounds obvious, I know, but I think it needs to be said. I recently saw a meme that said you need to ask a guy on the first what his views on abortion are (and dump him if he isn’t pro), and I think that’s too simplistic. A guy once said to me while trying to get me to sleep with him: Don’t worry, you can just get an abortion.

In my eyes, being “pro-choice” just isn’t good enough. We need to support mutual pregnancy prevention. Women and men need to raise awareness and support a shared goal of using healthy and effective contraceptive methods that consider the needs of both partners. It is the responsibility of both women and men to learn fertility awareness, and it is a man’s responsibility to understand his partner’s cycle and pay attention to ovulation.

It is as easy as asking a few simple questions:

When did I get my last period? Or when did you get your last period?

Am I ovulating? Or are you ovulating?

What method shall we use to prevent an unwanted pregnancy?

We need to understand that our choice isn’t just about what happens when two lines show up on the pregnancy test. We also have a choice to be aware and communicative before and during sex.

Politically, we need to act towards accessible abortions for all, everywhere. But we cannot forget that there are also actions to be taken on a personal level.